When the Littlest Misfit Fits Perfectly

I guess I have always taken issue with doing what is expected. Being a misfit just fit better.

I did the whole go to college blah blah dance for me monkey and give us all your money hooplah thing after high school. But after five years of working my ass off (and occasionally having a damn good time, too) I left sans my piece of paper that is supposed to legitimize me as a person. Why? Because fuck that rigid structure, that's why.

I got into the architecture school, and loved parts of it. You gave up on sleep, and a social life outside of the studio, devoting your every breath to a field that, in my opinion, is a dying and decaying one, but I was fascinated by design, and let's face it, money. Architects used to be the almighty ones behind every structure, overseeing and creating every aspect. Now, they are being phased out.

Anyways, I wanted to diversify my college experience learning as much as I could. The architecture school has such a rigid, no wiggle room to explore curriculum. So, I took my education into my own hands. I studied German for two years, Italian for three; expanded my mind in psychology alongside blond sowhority girls, debated politics with white upper-class male hypocrites, and philosophized (wow, that's an actual word!) with pseudo-intellectual 'that's a half-caff soy/rice/goat milk with one pump sugar-free fair trade solve world hunger vanilla syrup, easy on the foam it makes me gassy, latte' types. (I have worked at many, many coffee shops in this lifetime. )

And, alas, about three of those credits went to my actual degree. After five years of working myself to death with 18 credit hour semesters, no sleep, and a coffee shop job that paid $5.15/hr. (and someone actually had the audacity to ask me to break a quarter to tip me! I told him a better use for that quarter... ) I was way burned out, in too much debt, and just flat-out pissed at the bureaucratic bullshit that is college, to continue on. Whatever, I learned so much, and now I can write obscenely long-winded, judgmental!, run-on sentences with a wriggling baby on my boob! Suck it CU Boulder!

But now apparently, I am not a legitimate person. Educated, obscene amounts of loan debt for eternity, but no signed paper to prove it. I'm still doing design work from home, stumbled into graphic design, and I am working on launching my website design career this fall. So, I consider myself pretty damn legitimate. And now I have an amazing baby, a loving, devoted baby-daddy boyfriend (continuing the trend of misfittingdom), and a beautiful place to live! Mis-fitting just fits so perfectly, now.

Matt discovered how perfectly Aife fit in our bathroom sink.

Luckily, I had just cleaned it.

My littlest misfit. Glen Danzig would be pissed!

A Day at the Beach in Colorado

With enough imagination you can enjoy the beach in a land-locked state.

Our amazing rooftop deck!

Cool breeze, good company, and a lily pad

Who needs a tan? Pale-ass skin is in!

Aife needed a moment to collect her thoughts...

and the verdict is... Beach day on the rooftop deck is awesome!

(and yes, unfortunately that IS a popped collar)

Relationship on Autopilot

I think Matt and I have gotten used to one another.

We no longer tip-toe around each other's feelings. This has been both liberating, and gasoline on the fire. It's great, though. It is forcing our relationship to grow and rearrange. Things were getting stagnant. Our relationship was on autopilot, out of our control, just going through the motions. Relationships go through these phases, ever-evolving. I think that if they don't, it won't make it. We are always changing, growing, learning, and the things don't keep up are left behind.

As parents we have changed drastically. So far we have done a good job adjusting to the circumstances, and rolling with the punches. But it gets difficult. Sometimes you direct your anger and frustration at each other, in lieu of a more productive outlet. I am definitely doing that right now. I am mad at Matt for EVERYTHING, but I can't explain why when he asks what is up. Believe me, I am fully aware, painfully aware of craziness!

I was just beginning to really resent him. He still has a social life, and takes time to do the things he wants to. His outlet is bike riding. He goes downhill biking or dirt jumping several times a week, and occasionally meets up with friends for beers. And it keeps him level and relaxed so that he can handle stress.

Then it dawned on me. Rather than resent him, learn from him. Take sometime out to do something I enjoy. Find my own outlets. Aife will be fine for a few hours hanging out with her old man. I am not letting her down or abandoning her by taking a pilates class a couple times a week.(Still grappling with this one). It will be better for us all, actually. Especially my giant booty!

She Got My Ladylike Demeanor

Rice cereal is finally underway!

A Completely Edible World

Aife has acquired a serious oral fixation lately. Everything in her path that she can get into her tight clutches goes directly into her drooly, drooly mouth. Well, anything that isn't conventionally edible. Her toys all have taken on the slobbery appearance of dog chew toys, her stroller and carseat have permanent wet spots where she chews on them, my shoulder always looks like it is leaking, and so on. Her hands used to suffice, but now her feet have become overwhelmingly tempting to her.

You can see it in her eyes. She has spotted something that looks delicious.

Ah! She is eating my camera. I guess that is it for pictures.

I have to say it is the most entertaining, and unbelievably adorable thing to watch. She amazes me more and more everyday. This oral fixation thing, although worrisome because you can't take your eyes off of her for a second to make sure she isn't putting the neighbor's cat in her mouth or something...

That cat knows that something is up, and rightfully looks scared for his life.

...has been just what we needed to get her to start eating rice cereal! She looooves it now. Slurps it down like she's a seasoned pro. She also takes her sippy cup like a champ. The Nuck's sippy cups are awesome. She can control the flow much easier than with the bottle. On Saturday she grabbed her cup by the handles out of her dad's hands, and started chugging her milk ALL BY HERSELF. She fed herself three full ounces. (It is already apparent that she likes to be in control.)I was and still am amazed!

Thank you all for your kind words in reference to my last post. I didn't mean to be all whiney and bitchy. I love being a mom, I just don't always like her dad! haha! I was just a little mad (well pissed) that day, because her dad informed me that he was in desperate need of a vacation, and would be going to Moab for a weekend.

Aife and I are going to have an amazing, fun-filled, girls' extravaganza weekend. Spa night is out, but we will roll around on the floor together making dinosaur noises until we can no longer keep our eyes open, gossip about the latest heart-throbs over breastmilk ice cream, make crank phone calls and then sleep in until 5:30! Thank you again, though. I love how supportive this blogging community is!

And here she has perfected her innocent look. "What? I don't know where the kitty went!"

Regaining Some Sense of Self

I don't know how to make myself happy anymore. Life has changed so abruptly and I haven't kept up. I am clinging on to parts of my old life so tightly unwilling to accept that I can't do all of things I used to do. I used to stay up all night blasting my favorite music and painting or drawing until my eyes went completely cross or blurry, falling asleep with paint brush or pencil in hand. I got my best work done at night. 

In architecture school, you learn really fast how to cope without any sleep. I thought this talent would be helpful as a new mom, but it is a completely different sleeplessness now; one unaided by inordinate amounts of caffeine. 

I used to be able to set up my stuff and just tune out the world for a whole day, several days. Now everything is planned in two-three hour increments, and the half hour segments of "free time" are absorbed into housework, or getting work done for my job. I know that my happiness is up to me. I just feel tired and under-inspired. I have all of these plans, but fall short at putting them into action. I guess I'm just wondering how some moms do it. How do you make sure your family is happy, and then have the energy to do something for yourself? I do put too much effort into the happiness of Matt. He takes care of himself, and definitely makes sure he is happy. So, I should do the same. 

Life is so much better now, in so many ways. It just takes some time to adjust to the changes, and not lose yourself along the way. 

And For My Next Trick

Well, this one doesn't go along with the others, but it is the jungle cat from my previous post.

Ok, here is Aife's new trick... She is now a certified roller! 

This is the reenactment of actual events, her first rollover.

I only got the end result on film, though.

"Hey Aife!"

"Yes?"

"Strike a pose to commemorate your first roll."

"Ta Da!"

"How was that? Kind of what you had in mind? Shall I dance for you now?

(oh ya, she is talking in full sentences now as well, and mastered the subtle art of sarcasm.

Back to Work

I am finally going back to work next weekend. It is the Food and Wine festival in Aspen, and I am going to do all of the flower set-up stuff, you know, beautify the tents blah blah blah, so rich folk have something pretty to look at as they chug down the finest wines (and then spit them out! blasphemous!)in the world, and the most delicious foods you can find. I am excited, and yet... I photographed a wedding the designers I work with did a few weeks ago, and memories of lugging around Aspen trees, and other ridiculously heavy things, came flooding back to me. I don't really want to be schlepping heavy ass trees all over the place. But, what can you do? I work at a flower shop, and that is what we do. My graphic design career is taking off, and hopefully someday soon people will want to hire interior designers as well! Anyways, Matt is going to start watching Aife on the weekends while I am hauling these heavy ass trees around. And what is absolutely adorable about this, is that he told one of his friends today that he has weekends off! Haha! Yeah right! He really doesn't realize that watching a baby is a FULL TIME JOB! You don't get a lunch break, you don't get to plan anything at a certain time, you do what she needs at all times. period. I thought that was adorable. You just wait honey. You will work your ass off. It is amazing work, and it is so cool to be with your kid and watch them learn new things, and discover the world around them, but it is a job nonetheless, and a job with no paycheck at that. I am working from home right now as well, so I am going to have to figure out how to combine all of this. Exciting new project. Perfect timing. I was starting to get bored. I am soooo sick of people (Matt's mom) asking when I am going back to work. Screw her I say. She still doesn't have a job. Anyways, I could go on about that forever. I guess we will just have to see how all of this plays out! But life is amazing right now. Absolutely amazing! The new place has changed everything. My whole outlook on life. Ah, I am rambling.

Bring On The Jungle Cats

This week has been reeeediculous (using this typo-effect fully aware of how annoying it can be, but whatever, the correct spelling just doesn't seem to cut it here.) We are still in the process of moving into our new place (we had to pay last month's rent at signing for the old place...so, we got 30 very expensive days to move out. This has turned out to be invaluable with my inability to move more than a handful of clothes and a glass at a time. But it's coming along.

Aife started to acclimate to her new surroundings, and was returning to her cheerful self when...it was time to get her four month shots!!! She was pissed for a day and a half. She is finally looking at me again. Well, she keeps one eye on me at all times to make sure I don't pull anymore of those shenanigans.

Then, June 1st. Day numero uno of our lease, we get a phone call from our landlord. They need to show the house. We signed the lease even though the house is on the market, because I truly don't believe it is going to sell within the next year. However, it sucks having strangers trampsing through your house, especially with a baby on your boob, and tons of unpacked boxes. OUR FIRST DAY!!! I was very unhappy. Haven't heard yet if it sold, but I'm inclined to stay positive. I just love it here so much. 

Continuing right along, my brother and his girlfriend are out of town for two weeks, so guess who gets to take care of their new kitten, and five billion plants. The girl who has all the free time in the world! And this is no ordinary cat. Oh no! It is this special breed that is a combo of house cat and JUNGLE CAT. It looks just like a leopard, is mean as hell, and is going to be over 40 pounds. Right now at 12 weeks he is bigger than my mom's full grown house cat. Don't even get me started on his stench. Yesterday, I had to take him to the vets (psycho vets who treat you like you abuse animals, and you are the worst person EVER because you walk on two legs, not four, even if you are just bringing your pet in for vaccines). Crazy people. 

So Jungle cat had to stay with us last night. Bad bad news. He is back home now, and I will just continue the 60 mile drive a day to take care of him. I really don't want a jungle cat near my baby. And apparently my brother's GF is convinced the cat is autistic because of the vaccines, so she is very concerned about my ability to take care of him, even though I have somehow miraculously managed to keep a human baby alive and healthy for almost five months now, without her even catching a cold. Buuuut, I need a novel of instructions to take care of her cat. Very insulting, actually. Someone has to break it to her that he's not autistic, HE IS JUST SEVERELY INBRED. You pay $1200 for a cat, he is going to be inbred. 

Other than that, pretty relaxed week. Matt got a new job, with a boss who shows no signs of being a scoundrel. I'm helping my mom remodel her kitchen. And I go back to work this weekend. At least I can't say I'm bored!