Don't Bring Me Down, Brrrrrruce

Wait. Wait. I have something to show you.

I'm going to start standing in my crib! So, you can stop putting me down for naps now.

You know that girl who always make the kissy face for every single picture?

Here is Aife's rendition of that. Her new favorite face...

Oh, and she even changes her own clothes now.

Court, Opportunities, and Bares (butts) oh my!

Recently, an explosion of things and stuff (big, intimidating words are kind of a hobby of mine) have simultaneously occurred. Some good/ potentially great, some major pains in the ass, some small, some big, some 'shut the hell up, you've sufficiently covered all bases'.

Then I sit down to write this stuff, and find that I am unable to because, maybe, just maybe, highly unlikely, but possible, this stuff is only interesting to me! Haha, ridiculous, right?

Here it goes anyway...

Our previous landlord has been withholding our security deposit for nearly 60 days now. That has really screwed us over. We requested an itemized list of all deductions taken, and have yet to see said list. He flat out refuses. He keeps telling us what was wrong with the premises, but refuses to show us proof of his maintenance fees. AND, a new tenant took occupancy the day after our lease was up. So, I have a sneaking suspicion that he did not paint the walls, and get the carpet cleaned and all other costs he is claiming to have taken out of the deposit. On top of that, he is claiming we agreed to pay $125/ month for utilities. What?! We will pay the bill you give us, from the electric company. We lived above the bike shop, and he said that he had a hard time distinguishing which bill was for which space: the Aspen store, the Carbondale store below our apartment, or our apartment. Giant red flag, but I was 8 months pregnant, and just wanted a place to live. I believe we were paying a huge chunk of his utilities for the store. He is a crook! He refuses to reach any kind of reasonable agreement with us, so we are taking his GREEDY ASS TO COURT! $1100 is a lot to us. To him, it is gas money for a day.

On a more optimistic note, I think my graphic and web design career is about to come out of its coma! I have a couple of decent accounts on the horizon. That would be amazing. I am currently making $200 a month at the flower shop, because no one wants to have huge extravagant weddings this summer. Wonder why. This could be huge. I am optimistic.

Now, I am just in the process of getting my CU credits transferred to an online college so that I can finish up my degree while I breastfeed. I just have to pay off some tuition (not even scratching the surface of my loans) and then my transcripts can be released. That will be a huge relief to get those loose ends all tied up.

And finally the gripping conclusion to my never-ending post... Last night Aife was laying across my lap, decided to take off part of her diaper, and peed all over me. Wasn't that worth reading this whole post for? It isn't a story unless someone gets peed on.

That's Adorable! Now Stop.

The feelings you get from watching your baby learn how to do new things, or discover more to her surroundings is ineffable. I mean, there is just nothing out there quite like it. You are utterly captivated by everything they do.

And then comes the day that they realize they are capable of taking off their own diaper.

That day has arrived at this household. This also happens to coincide with her insatiable need to put absolutely everything in her mouth. Well, everything excluding the delicious and edible bananas and peaches I so lovingly, and time consumingly mash up for her. Her toys she eats, her food she plays with.

The other night I was sitting on the floor with Aife, and I turned around to grab another book for her to chew on. Matt, was telling me about his day, and mid-sentence he stops and exclaims, "Look at our daughter. Just look." I turn around to a tiny naked butt, and the biggest grin I have ever seen in my entire life. She was so proud of herself, and starting giggling. She giggled for a few seconds, and then smashed her diaper right into her mouth! Luckily, I had just finished putting a clean one on her, so there was nothing in it. But, I won't be so lucky every time she decides to air herself out.

As the grains of sand fall through the hourglass, So do the days of our lives.

Not sure on my accuracy of that little quote of infinite wisdom, but I'm sure you get the gist of it. This one goes out to my g-parents. (and Days of Our Lives is my grandma's "show", and we all know to be quiet when her program is on.)

My dad's parents have always been a huuuuge part of my life. My grandpa is the most amazing man, and my grandma is so kind and nurturing. We would spend summers at a lake with them in Wyoming (I know, total cliche 'summer house at the lake' country up there.) But it was my absolute favorite place on earth. My grandpa would get my brothers and me out on the lake at the butt crack of dawn when the water was still glassy, and pull us around and around on our water skis for as long as we wanted. He took us fishing, and would obligingly release the fish for me, because I couldn't bear to take their lives (I now realize that they probably died soon afterwards, anyway). He has the best sense of humor, and has played a huge role in creating fond memories of a wonderful childhood. (excuse the hallmarky nuance there).

Our last trip up to the lake was bittersweet. The whole area has changed beyond recognition, so I don't want to taint the memories of trips past, and yet, I wish I could give Aife those Seminoe summers. Our last evening there my grandpa and I planted a couple of chairs down by the water, set up the umbrella, and he opened the cooler, handed me a cold one, and we shared our first beer together. It was an awful Budweiser in a can, but that was the best damn beer I have ever had.

I am sad that Aife will not get to know them as I know them. They are really starting to show their age. They love her, and go crazy over her every time we visit, but I know she will not to get to have the same experiences with them. My parents are amazing, and will spoil her rotten. So, she won't be lacking in the g-parent department. It still breaks my heart, though, that she won't get to know my grandpa that well.

I remember my great grandparents, and I'm sure my dad felt the same way. They were already so old by the time we were old enough to really interact with people that weren't our parents. My memories of them consist of a lot of sitting in chairs, and zoning out. My great grandpa would just turn his hearing aid off, and sit there in silence. I bet they were fantastic people. We heard stories about them, but never really got to know them. I would give so much for Aife to have the opportunity to really get to know my dad's parents. At least they have gotten to meet her, and will watch her grow up. I'm so grateful I could give them that.

IU D-Day Part Deux

I don't know if I my vagina has just already had its fair share of terrifying pain and was like "no way am I making this easy for you.", or I am just a GIANT HUGE woos, but that IUD hurt like a bitch! The pamphlet warned that there might be slight cramping following the IUD insertion. Okay, I thought, I can handle some cramping. That pamphlet is a damn dirty liar, and I would punch it right in the face if I could!

The doc tells me that I will feel three separate cramps as she measures, inserts, makes me baby-proof for ten years. I think, ok, no big deal. I gave birth naturally, how bad could this be? So, wrong. At least with birth I had the epidural.

First cramp, painful, but manageable. Second cramp, teeth-clenching "Oh my god, tell me it's over!" I need something to crush with my hand!! Third cramp, "THERE'S MORE?!?!? I changed my mind. Hand me my pants. I'm out!" Ahhhhhh! My eyes tear up, I'm clammy, and about to pass out from the blinding pain.

The doc feels my forehead, grabs my hand, and tells me to not move. Do not sit up, I will go get you some ibuprofen. Oh, gee, thanks. That will do it. I think I will just go slam my head in the door for a while instead, until I have forgotten that it feels like you shattered a dozen glasses in my UTERUS! Meanwhile, gushing blood.

She comes back, and asks if I can put my pants on without passing out. I'm about to give her a "are you kidding me?" look, when I hear my baby start to cry. Without hesitation, but many groans, I jumped right into jeans, and wobbled out to collect my girl that the amazing nurses so generously offered to watch while my poor uterus was being traumatized.

We waited, hunched over, to check out and pay as a steady stream of teenage girls were infiltrating the waiting room, making appointments, checking in, making my life hell! I am standing there hunched over, baby in arm, blood trickling down my leg, sweating buckets. These girls were taking FOREVER! Finally, we get to leave.

I decide to walk around town for a while to gain my composure a bit, before I drive. Walking, not the greatest feeling at the moment, but sitting down and driving stick, excruciating! I pushed Aife in her stroller, and hobbled behind for a while.

Moral of the story, I am a giant woos, apparently. But, I am looking forward to hormone-free protection that lasts for ten years! Depo made me a crazy person. Today it feels like my ovaries got into a boxing match. And lost big time after betting their life-savings on a landslide win, and owe the mafia their first born child now, because they can't come up with the money, the Depo has obviously not worn off yet...

IU D-Day

Is it ridiculous that I am so nervous about this IUD? I mean, I know having a copper T shoved up my cooch sounds like a remarkable monday afternoon activity, but um, it would be nicer if there was some way to do this online. That didn't even make any sense whatsoever, but it is a million degrees in my house, and the "makes sense" section of my brain has been sweated out of my pores.

I have to bring the little miss with me to this exciting event. This should make for a very memorable gyno visit. As if they are not uncomfortable enough, right? I guess I am just not looking forward to the monstrous cramps that follow an IUD insertion. Looks like I gotta leave now for this very exciting appointment.

Dad/Babysitter

Okay, true story.

Matt actually told one of his friends that he couldn't go mountain biking with him this weekend, because I was working and he had to BABYSIT our daughter. Yes, you read that correctly. Babysit our daughter. I was speechless. I just looked at him in disbelief. If I started telling people that I was busy all week babysitting my daughter, they would look at me like I was a crazy person. Rightfully so. Oh, gotta go. I have to get back to babysitting my daughter.

Here Aife is re-creating the shocked and appalled look on my face.

Watching Lightning

Watching lightning

July is at its end. I really can't believe how this summer has just flown by. I remember just a couple months ago how I was desperately wishing time away. I wrote about it in private, not wanting to reveal my shortcomings as a mom. I was so mad at myself for wishing time away. Time I was "supposed" to be clinging to with unrelenting clutches. Cherishing every single moment. I felt like a failure, a horrendous mother, because I just wanted to cry all of the time. I counted down the hours of each day, anxiously awaiting the end of each day. It's not that I didn't love my daughter. I loved her, and still love her with a love I never knew I was capable of until I met her, but I still struggled. I do believe I was battling with some postpartum depression, but I had neither the means nor the time to do anything about it.

And, yet, here we are. Six months in, and the air is clearing. I feel like I am getting the hang of it. I finally take the time to sit back and watch this little person I created. I get to witness someone getting acquainted with this world of ours. I watched her discover her hands and feet, smile her first non-gas induced smile, jump at her first encounter with thunder, roll on her belly and shriek with frustration, and be privy to the incomparable amazingness of an infant's belly laugh. True undeniable laughter.

No longer afraid of the thunder

There are so many unbelievable things you get to be a part being a parent. I am so grateful I finally stopped obsessively timing every feeding to make sure she was eating exactly ten minutes per boob, and then burping within five minutes between each boob, and not doing this because 'the experts' say so, and doing this because this book says so, and freaking the F out because my baby wasn't on this rigid schedule, and just STARTED USING MY COMMON SENSE. She was growing perfectly, very healthy, and most importantly... soooo happy.

I finally just relaxed, and enjoyed my baby. Why did no one tell me that from the beginning? Everyone terrifies you. Parenting books just made me feel outrageously inadequate. Uh, it was stressful. Then I realized (cliche approaching) Screw you guys, I can do this!

Once you realize that raising your little creation is pretty much the coolest thing ever, and that she has astonishingly survived all of your inadequacies and follies, parenthood becomes so much fun. You just start to enjoy your time together immensely. Everyday she amazes me, and everyday I still would not change a thing. Life with her is as it should be.

Finding happiness in everyday